Mommy time… Does it exist?

Every mom out there needs some “mommy time”, as in “this is mommy’s time now, please go play somewhere else and keep it down”. But do we get it, rarely if at all. I can’t speak for you married mommies or those with partners or other live-in type help, but for me and most of the single moms I know the time we have to ourselves is precious and happens very rarely.

Why is it so hard to get some time to ourselves? Even when my kids are with their dad for the weekend half of my “me time” is spent cleaning, dealing with that ever present laundry pile (be it washing, folding or putting it away), shopping for things my boys need, or getting things ready for the following week. Of course I could just say f**k this and let it all slide, but trust me that would make my week much more crazy, long and stressful so it is just not worth skipping getting all these chores out of the way.

For now I’ll be happy if I can just go to the bathroom for a moment without someone yelling “MOMMY!!!“. Really guys, is it that hard to give mommy a minute or 2 to herself? And why is it that you guys can be quiet and well behaved for a long period of time, but the moment my butt touches that toilet seat you start fighting and/or calling for me? And on a similar note… why is it that you need mommy the moment she starts talking on the phone to someone?

So I sit here with my fingers crossed that this will be the week I will get an hour to myself to just sit and rest, and by sitting and resting I mean before 10 or 11 pm when I get to start to unwind from my day. So please wish me and all the other single mom’s out there that this will be our week to finally get some mommy time!

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Buy my house… please!


While I rather not have to sell my house circumstances beyond my control have forced me to put my dream home, the house I  thought I’d raise my kids in, the house I’d celebrate fun times with family and friends, the house I’d live in until the day I died on the market. (And from much much less than what it cost me to build a few years ago).

So please check this link out and buy my house so my kids and I can move on with our lives.

The house has the following features and is in a great school district (in Nassau County) on Long Island, NY:

  • modern design w/large open floor plan
  • floor to ceiling windows – lots of natural light (even in the basement – we rarely put the lights on during the day)
  • electric shades
  • dramatic lighting
  • radiant heat on all 3 floors
  • 2 large fireplaces (1 in the master bedroom)
  • built in cabinetry from Italy
  • Arclinea kitchen with 14 foot long island, Kuppersbush 5 gas burners, 2 sinks, 2 Miele dishwashers, 1 large Subzero fridge, 1 large Subzero freezer, 1 under-the-counter Subzero fridge, 2 large Miele ovens, 1 smaller Miele oven/microwave.
  • 2 Jerusalem stone patios
  • Jerusalem stone walkways
  • 6 bedrooms
  • 4 full bathrooms/2 half-baths
  • bedrooms wired with ethernet
  • balcony off the master bedroom
  • large master bath with 6 foot long tub and large separate steam shower
  • large 2 car garage (yes I can park my huge SUV there easily)
  • large finished basement
  • 5 zones of AC/heat
  • server room
  • home office
  • fish tank room
  • fenced in yard
  • playset in the backyard with protective flooring underneath for the kids

I really wish I would get a winning lottery ticket so I could keep the house as my boys wish we could do (so if you have a winning ticket for me please let me know), but for now because of my divorce I cannot afford to keep it. Sadly, I need to sell it and move on with my life. Hopefully to someplace where my kids and I can live happily with our dogs.

So please help me get the word out about my house… tell anyone you know who maybe looking to check out this great home in a great school district!

Thank you and please help me sell my house!!!



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The things that make a mom happy…

It’s the little things that make a mom with small kids happy…

- taking a shower (even better when it is earlier in the day – as in before noon – rather than right before you pass out for the night,  but hey we’ll take what we can get).

- all the toys are put away where they belong – not just thrown in a basket or closet to hide them but actually put away the right way. Even better when the kids did it rather than mommy having to do it. Doubly better if they did it on their own without mommy’s help.

- a clean house. Moms love it when the kitchen and bathrooms are clean and everything is put away where it belongs… Yes we know it won’t stay that way long (especially in my case with 3 young boys) but hey we can enjoy the feeling while it lasts. :-)

- all the laundry washed, folded and put away.  This is one of the best feelings in the world as no mom particularly likes doing laundry. Unfortunately, this feeling is usually short lived as once this task is completed and a mom with great trepidation dares to look in the laundry bins again she typically finds them full and it is time to start the process all over. But we moms know to take a moment and enjoy the fact that the laundry is done (even if it is only done for a few minutes it is still considered done until we take that load in the overflowing hamper to the laundry room and start the whole process over again).

- clean sheet day – the day that you finally have a moment to change your own bedsheets and can lay down on clean comfy sheets and your body just goes “ahhhh”. Almost nothing feels better than that after a busy day with the kids, especially knowing that in the next 24-48 hours someone will jump on your bed and mess up the clean smell be it the kids or the dogs.

- when your older child helps your younger child shower so you can (1) fix dinner, (2) clean up the kitchen after dinner, or and this one is the best of all options, (3) you can sit down and rest for 5-10 minutes – woohoo!!!

- when one of your children thanks you out of the blue for something you do for them.

- hearing the words I love you, mom... even better when combined with a hug.

- those little hugs and kisses you get throughout the day – even the ones they give you when they are angling to get something like ice cream before dinner ;-).

- those days when everyone goes to bed on time and nobody calls “mommy” after they have been tucked into bed and you can sit and relax after a long day and luckily one of the shows you like is on and you can for once watch it live rather than a taped version as another miracle occurred earlier in the day and you got to shower that morning.

- but the number one thing that makes a mom happy is knowing her kids are happy and healthy.

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It kills me when my son cries himself to sleep

It kills me when I can’t give my kids something they really want because I just don’t have the money for it. When I have to tell my 8 year old that sorry he cannot go to the Tae Kwon Do board breaking competition because I just can’t afford the entrance fee it kills me. It kills me even more when I then have to watch him break down and cry himself to sleep over the disappointment.  I had not realized how much he had his heart set on going this year as we had to skip last years event  (it was on his dad’s weekend and his dad would not take them). My 7 year old was also hurt and disappointed over the cost issue, but he’s a bit more accepting of it at least outwardly but I know that inside he is hurting just as much as his older brother.

Yes, I wish things could be different. Yes, I’d pay for it in a second if I could. Yes, it would be nice if his dad would help pay for it, but unfortunately there is so much it would be nice if his dad would pay for that I’ve lost count. (Hell, if he’d just pay the support payments on time I’d be happy).

So for now, I will stay up all night trying to juggle the numbers to see if and how I could possibly swing not only his entrance fee, but that of his younger brother as well, and of course the fee for me to enter and watch them and possibly the fee for his youngest brother to either watch or participate as well.

I’ll do this because:  (1) I am a mom who loves her kids and wants to see them happy, (2) it would be a great experience for the boys, (3) it would be fun to watch all the board breaking demonstrations, and (4) most importantly it means so much to both of my oldest sons to go and participate.

But the more I try to find the funds to help my boys realize a dream they had the more I know I will have to end up dissapointing them and it kills me to do so. It is just so heartbreaking to know you have to disappoint your sons because you just don’t have the funds when their dad could help but refuses to do so. Yes it is not going to be the end of the world if my boys can’t participate in the board breaking contest, but it is the shattered hopes and dreams that hurt me so much.

While this is not the first time since the divorce that I had to tell them no due to money issues this was the hardest because this event means a lot to them. (And because this event has a deadline after which the opportunity to participate in it will be gone.) It means more to them than any video game or toy or thing they have ever asked me for that I had to say no to due to lack of funds. I hate to see their dreams shattered over something that can be fixed so easily with a few dollars. Hopefully a miracle will occur and I will find the money to do it, but for now I will just have to cry myself to sleep along with my boy.


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Brave Face – Tough On the Outside

As a single mom you learn to put on a brave face and be tough on the outside. We need to do this to project a confident controlled self to our kids and the world in general. However this brave face we put on comes around every so often and bites us in the ass. Nobody can be tough and brave all the time. Unfortunately lots of us don’t get the support we could use from friends and family because they buy into our facade.

It is just not possible to always be in control to never get any help – especially when you have more than 1 child. Those of us who put on a better show of being in control and on top of things are the ones that tend to suffer the most internally. Because we are such good actresses people (even close friends and family) don’t notice the signs that we need help and of course our brave front prevents us for asking for it.

Those of you who know someone like us may wonder, why don’t you just ask? We’d gladly help it you just told us you needed help. The answer is simple, for if we ask and are turned down we will fall apart. By the time we get to our breaking point and ask you to help with even a very simple or trivial item we are already past the point of breaking and are on overdrive. To break our concentration on maintaining the status quo and being able to function is hard. Once we break out of our facade and ask for help it is too late… either we get the help we need in the exact form we are asking it or we will break down and lose it.

So what can you do as a caring and loving friend or family member… the answer is simple… just ask. Ask us if there is anything you can do to help us this week. Tell us you’d like to do something fun with us and ask when might be a good time for us to do it. Offer to  take us out to dinner or bring us dinner for the kids one night in that works better for our schedule. You can even offer to treat us to mani/pedi or a spa day while you take care of the kids for the afternoon. Sometimes a few hours off duty and some time for ourselves is what we need to recharge. Basically, just be there for us and make sure you follow through on your offers and promises.

Just remember, single moms run on overdrive 24/7. We make sure our kids have all they need before we take care of ourselves. We need to put on a brave face and seem like we are tough to make it through the day, day after day. It is your job as our friends and family to help us feel strong enough on the inside to make it through this. So please ask us if there is something you can do to help, offer your services, and follow through on all your promises to us. (This advice holds true for all the moms out there not just single moms, but it is especially important for the single moms who may not have as much support as moms with spouses). Your help will make us stronger on the inside as well as the outside and allow us to be better moms and friends to everyone.

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Common Core Math or Stupid Math?

While I completely understand the purpose behind Common Core Math I am very upset with the level of the math my kids are now learning. Do they really need to learn so many different ways of showing that 9+5=14? Really??? How many months can they do basically the SAME math over and over again? Yes I do understand that there are a few kids who still don’t get it but come on… there is a time and place for remedial or extra math help for those kids. Why must the system drag every kid down to the lowest of the low common denominators? Why hold back the smart kids with this for lack of a better word… bullshit?

When it comes down to Common Core I understand the need to try to “level the playing field” but at what cost?  The teachers seem to have their hands tied with this system and the smart kids are suffering with extreme cases of boredom as a result. Why must we dedicate a whole system across the board to do what teachers are supposed to do in the first place? After all isn’t it the teacher’s job to find a way to teach the material to the kids? If a child does not understand something it is the teacher’s job to find a different way to get through to the kids. Why are we trying to turn the teachers into robots rather than living breathing organisms that can adapt to the environment and find the best way to reach each child on their own without holding the smarter ones back?

All I can say is that my boys are bored to tears by this Common Core Math. It has gotten to the point that we are all openly calling it STUPID MATH. As it appeals to the stupidest of the kids. Yes this is mean, but it also seems to be true. To ask kids in 1st grade to add 9+5 and show their work many many different ways over many many months is asinine.  Why must we hold kids back just because a few kids don’t get it? Why not let them advance and give the other kids additional help?

What I fear will happen here is that we end up turning off the kids that are good at math and make them hate school and hate learning. This is what I see happening with my kids and their friends. They find math stupid and boring. Rather than raising the level of our kids math abilities we are going to end up hurting them in the long run with this foolishness.

As moms what can we  do to keep math fun for them? To be honest I am not sure… as after months of basically the same problems over and over again my kids are bored and going crazy with the stupidity of Common Core. So what we are doing is embracing the stupidity… we are acknowledging that this is stupid, while grudgingly learning yet more ways to show the work behind simple math problems. I find that at this point the ONLY way we can make it through the repetition of these asinine homework assignments is to make a joke of it. (Yes I know it is not politically correct, but at this point I give up and need to do what I can to keep their interest in this stupid math). So if I need to pretend to talk like a moron when reading the homework assignment and make jokes at the expense of the math work I will and I will allow my kids to do so too. All the while saying, we have to do this incase you take a standardized test and they ask you to show this stuff you need to know it.  So basically, I am spending my days checking the same homework over and over again but with slightly different “work” showing how they got the same answers to the same questions week after week.

So bring on the stupid math… we will survive it, but it just makes my life as a single mom more difficult as I now need to be the cheerleader and teacher to my kids (something they should be getting from their teachers in school). I need to cheer them on with my silly voices and faces to get them through the very boring assignments day in and day out. I also need to find the time to teach them more advanced concepts on my own so their math brains do not shut down due to boredom.

So let me personally thank all you politicians out there who believe this would help everyone and advance America in the field of math, you have handicapped our teachers, bored our kids to death, frustrated most of the intelligent parents out there with this stupidity, and helped only a small portion of the kids out there learn anything new. Instead of bringing everyone down to the lowest level you should have concentrated on funding programs to help those kids who were struggling rise up and developed programs to give teachers the tools to help those kids. I only hope that 10 years from now we all don’t live to regret this stupid nationwide math experiment.

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To all the crazy drivers this time of year… Is it worth it?

This is a message to all you crazy drivers out there. Yes. I understand it’s the holiday season and you have alot to do. Yes, I understand it’s the end of the week and you want to get home ASAP. Yes, I understand you feel rushed and stressed. All I ask is that you STOP and THINK for a moment and answer this simple question… is it worth driving like a jerk and squeezing in where you don’t belong just to get somewhere 5 seconds earlier? Do you really need to cut in front of me where there is no room for your car and you cause me to slam on my breaks when there is ample room behind me?

Yesterday on the way home with the kids from their karate class I had one of you jerks cut me off by squeezing between me and the car in front of me with no warning, no turn signal and no room for you to do this maneuver safely. Meanwhile, behind me was enough space for 2 box trucks to merge into. So why did you need to cut me off? Was it because you needed to get to the red light 5 seconds sooner? Was it worth it to almost cause a major accident? I think not!

Yesterday afternoon I also had a nut decide to make a left hand turn from the middle lane cutting me off and almost sending me into on coming traffic as I was turing from the proper lane. Again, was this worth it? I think not!  Look I understand you may have missed your turn, but you could easily have gone 1 more block and then turned around. Not a big deal. After all isn’t it better to be safe than sorry???

Luckily, I always keep an eye out for you bad drivers so I can avoid you. I am especially extra diligent about this during the holiday season and on Fridays. I am already teaching my boys to watch out for people like you. I am showing them how to study traffic patterns and look for idiots like you in the hopes that when they start driving 10 years or so from now they will also be able to avoid the likes of you.

I only hope that all of you one day find each other and end up in a spectacular crash that only harms you and no innocent bystanders or passengers. After all you deserve it… for your efforts to get to where you are going 5 seconds sooner endanger all of us on the road. Maybe if this happens you will learn to drive less recklessly and be more careful.

What I really want to know is…  do you really think it’s worth it to cut into traffic in a dangerous manner rather than following the rules of the road? Do you think cutting people off just so you can try to get someplace sooner is worth the risk of never making it there at all?

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